February, 2008
When I see him
a palpable aggression stirs in my blood
a tensing of the limbs
a quick twitch of the neck -
and the mouth.
My mouth.
And when he plods towards me,
animated, eager,
I speak shortly.
With callous words and austere lips.
I look left.
And right.
And scarcely in his eye;
my skin crawls
when we meet holy scopes.
Meeting eyes, a human connection which -
while severely under-meditated on -
is,
subconsciously,
sought-after and quite essential.
Sadly, though, is, now, at this tediously familiar time,
all but begrudged.
The tangible disfunction in
brutally concise conversations,
unbeknownst to him,
is one to be observed in the present,
and henceforth, avoided.
But, he seems to keep meandering towards me.
Towards the mouth of a woman
who wants neither to be articulate, nor amiably attentive,
at random for randoms.
I am, no doubt, bemused by my passive neglect,
nay,
antagonism! towards another creature who craves contact.
But changing is not easy.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
It Used To Be
September 11, 2006
Remember how exited you were,
when you first learned to cup your
hands, so that no water would fall out,
and drink out of the tap or stream?
How in a hurry you were to run around in the grass,
with no time to take off your socks,
and how they’d get so dirty
and holed, that after you came back in,
they were tossed away, not to be used again?
But they lived large.
They went out well.
Do you recall how your toys all had names and feelings?
Or that one word that could make you laugh
so hard that apple juice came out your nose?
How easily amused you were by nonsensical jokes?
Remember how the ladybugs used to be your friends,
and you didn’t mind the sand between your toes?
Can you call to mind a time when you
really took notice to the teeny tiny details,
more than what they made up,
and how they sparkled in the sun?
Do you recollect a time when
hugs were better than kisses,
and when boys were gross? (unless
of course,
they were your cousins,
who were the coolest people on earth.)
Remember how you could make friends with peers instantly?
And how strangers were always Samaritans?
How you admired beauty,
but not via photographs?
And how ugly, bright things
were more eye-catching than
any of the classically beautiful ones?
And how shoes were a silly requirement because,
if you wore them,
how could you feel the ground?
Remember how it used to be?
How you used to think?
Recall how five, square, cardboard sides contained
so many hours of bliss;
and how with sticks you could build fun;
and how it was the color and texture of rocks that mattered.
Do you ever think about how
you used to spin around until
you got so dizzy that you giggled until you choked?
And how trees were so much taller,
and your parents could never have been kids!
And how the world just made so much sense,
not that you ever stopped to think about it.
It just was what it was.
Your world was flawless,
but you couldn’t appreciate it.
And now you’ve lost it,
and you see all the bad that you
were previously blind to.
September 11, 2006
Remember how exited you were,
when you first learned to cup your
hands, so that no water would fall out,
and drink out of the tap or stream?
How in a hurry you were to run around in the grass,
with no time to take off your socks,
and how they’d get so dirty
and holed, that after you came back in,
they were tossed away, not to be used again?
But they lived large.
They went out well.
Do you recall how your toys all had names and feelings?
Or that one word that could make you laugh
so hard that apple juice came out your nose?
How easily amused you were by nonsensical jokes?
Remember how the ladybugs used to be your friends,
and you didn’t mind the sand between your toes?
Can you call to mind a time when you
really took notice to the teeny tiny details,
more than what they made up,
and how they sparkled in the sun?
Do you recollect a time when
hugs were better than kisses,
and when boys were gross? (unless
of course,
they were your cousins,
who were the coolest people on earth.)
Remember how you could make friends with peers instantly?
And how strangers were always Samaritans?
How you admired beauty,
but not via photographs?
And how ugly, bright things
were more eye-catching than
any of the classically beautiful ones?
And how shoes were a silly requirement because,
if you wore them,
how could you feel the ground?
Remember how it used to be?
How you used to think?
Recall how five, square, cardboard sides contained
so many hours of bliss;
and how with sticks you could build fun;
and how it was the color and texture of rocks that mattered.
Not the luster.
Never the value.
And how willing you were
to wait for the silt to settle in the stream –
not so impatient that you just moved
to a different spot along the water’s edge.
How timeout was a tragedy,
but how a clean slate was just a day away...
Can you remember back to when the outdoors were a blessing –
not something that you knew you should do,
but never got around to?
And how you could admit that you were wrong,
but there was hardly ever need to,
since you were never cruel
or selfishly eager to argue?
And how cool it was to be able to spell Mississippi backwards,
though it was nothing more than an amusing word.
And how butterflies weren’t bugs they were playmates.
And how “innocent” was just a big grownup word for “kid.”
And how sleep was a tear-inducing chore.
And pets had good lessons to teach –
theirs’ were often better than grownups’ examples.
And how alcohol and coffee were the stupidest,
grossest things in the whole world.
And how play required
no exterior resources.
And how willing you were
to wait for the silt to settle in the stream –
not so impatient that you just moved
to a different spot along the water’s edge.
How timeout was a tragedy,
but how a clean slate was just a day away...
Can you remember back to when the outdoors were a blessing –
not something that you knew you should do,
but never got around to?
And how you could admit that you were wrong,
but there was hardly ever need to,
since you were never cruel
or selfishly eager to argue?
And how cool it was to be able to spell Mississippi backwards,
though it was nothing more than an amusing word.
And how butterflies weren’t bugs they were playmates.
And how “innocent” was just a big grownup word for “kid.”
And how sleep was a tear-inducing chore.
And pets had good lessons to teach –
theirs’ were often better than grownups’ examples.
And how alcohol and coffee were the stupidest,
grossest things in the whole world.
And how play required
no exterior resources.
Do you ever think about how
you used to spin around until
you got so dizzy that you giggled until you choked?
And how trees were so much taller,
and your parents could never have been kids!
And how the world just made so much sense,
not that you ever stopped to think about it.
It just was what it was.
Your world was flawless,
but you couldn’t appreciate it.
And now you’ve lost it,
and you see all the bad that you
were previously blind to.
And you don’t know how to close your eyes.
And you can never get back.
But you can try.
Take your shoes off,
spin around,
kiss a bug,
and laugh so hard that apple juice comes out your nose.
spin around,
kiss a bug,
and laugh so hard that apple juice comes out your nose.
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